I have been involved in mentoring throughout my work life, both as mentor and as protégé.
Mentorships are long-term learning relationships built on trust, a mutual understanding and a confidential communication that allows both mentor and protégé to share the things that can make us feel most vulnerable in our careers. A solid mentoring relationship can last a lifetime.
The key -- and the toughest part -- is finding the right person. The ideal mentor allows you the freedom to be vulnerable and protects that vulnerability with confidentiality. Honesty, genuine sharing, the patience to listen and understand, learning about one another, and the ability to be candid and free to express appreciation for the relationship are the elements that make a mentorship last.
I have had the privilege to mentor protégés at all levels: college interns, higher-level directors under the Metro.biz Tribune program, and internal employees who chose me as their mentor from a formal program set up to encourage career advancement within our company. All of the mentorships had common traits:
- The relationships were formal in that they established expectations at the beginning of the program, required regular meeting times, and included beginning and ending time frames for the mentorship;
- All provided a way for the protégé to give candid feedback to an authority who was project-leading the mentoring program and to find a different mentor if the relationship wasn't working.
- Each mentorship lasted longer than the set time frame, which was usually a year. Several of them concluded when the goal of getting the promotion, getting the job, or learning the competency was reached.
In each of these relationships, I learned as much (if not more) than the protégé. I have also chosen mentors for my own career.
Why make the effort to find a mentor or serve as one? It is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
A good mentor has life experience as well as professional experience. She will follow your career path, sharing both your celebrations of successes and your disappointments. By listening to you and understanding the things that move you most, your mentor is able to give you sound advice based on what she has learned in her life experiences.
When your career takes a turn in a different direction, when the challenges presented in the day-to-day are overwhelming, when you think you are cornered without any way out, a mentor can be there to help.
Mentors help you get acclimated to a new company. They help you search your soul about leaving a job, accepting a new one and dealing with the challenges that frustrate you.
If you are ready to mentor someone, or you are looking for a mentor for yourself, think about these three issues:
How to be a great mentor: Be compassionate, be ready to listen and understand, be eager to share and support a protégé, be willing to learn about yourself and about another individual. Most of all, be committed to following through with set times and expectations and be willing to be honest in a thoughtful way.
How to gain the most out of a mentoring relationship: Make the commitment to put the necessary time, effort, care, listening, understanding and learning into the relationship. Set shared goals at the outset and follow through on these goals. Live up to the expectations both of you have for the relationship. Open up to one another and protect confidences. Have some fun.
How to establish a mentor relationship: As a new hire, ask about formal programs first and follow procedures. If no formal mentorship is available, watch those leaders you admire (they may be managers or more seasoned employees) and define the qualities and skills you want to learn from them. Over several months, watch these people in meetings, in individual interactions and at their jobs.
Then, with a defined set of expectations, ask to meet with the person you have selected. Have in mind clear guidelines for meeting times and frequency, length of the mentorship and goals for what you need to learn. Approach the person openly and ask him or her to mentor you. If the person refuses for whatever reason, ask for a referral to someone who might agree to such a relationship.
Persevere. Finding the right mentor will be one of the best gifts you give yourself in your career.
Next week: Control your career destiny.
