On my way home from Las Vegas a few weeks ago, I picked up a copy of the local newspaper, the
Review-Journal, where I read a number of clear and crisply written stories.
One, by Brian Haynes, described the opposition to a candidate for sheriff. One of the candidate's critics, Sheriff Bill Young, heads the police union:
"He wouldn't qualify to be a Metro cop, let alone the sheriff," Young said.
Then later:
"It's an insult to every man and woman who wears a badge in Clark County that he calls himself a cop. He's lying, and I'm not going to stand for it," Young said.
And then the kicker:
"He claims he's going to run our business like his business," Young said. "All I can say is, please don't let that happen."
What I like about that final quote is the way the reporter embeds the attribution in the body of the quote. This means that the stronger language, not the attribution, will end the story. To use the parlance of gymnastics, the writer sticks the landing.
But notice the first two quotes. The "Young said" comes not in the middle of the quote, but at the end, a position that sucks energy from stronger words. Revise those paragraphs by placing the attribution at the first available stopping point.
That's a tool: If the quote is long enough, embed the attribution. The reader will learn the name of the speaker earlier, and will discover the stronger words in a more emphatic position.
